Did you ever notice how much an ostrich’s eyes resemble an alien’s? Maybe it is true, that escaped ostrich I saw in the woods really is Bigfoot’s pony. Maybe Bigfoot was telling the truth. Maybe he was hunted by Ted Nugent.
“I was walking along talking to my ostrich when we were abducted by humans. One had a wild look in his eyes, deranged meat eater look. Old man too. Shouldn’t be eating so much meat, and he had a gun. Thought he was going to have an aneurism when the guy with a badge told him to put his gun down. Why, he got belligerent with the guy with the badge and the guy with the badge had to take his gun away. Then the guy got real scared, like his heart had been torn out or something. I felt so bad for the crazy guy I told the guy with the badge to give him his gun back, I had rendered his gun inoperable with my mind waves anyway. That worked until my ostrich was able to look into his eyes and hypnotize him.”